Go Free Creating Nothing As There is No Such Thing as Random Chaos. or Not?

* Go Free Creating Nothing as There is No Such Thing as Random Chaos *

This is actually only half the painting (probably for all the reasons the painting is preaching, but that's the hypocrisy in my life). The night I made this will always stay with me. I was sitting in my sublet in union square. Still in my honeymoon phase with NY, only having been in state (or country for that matter) for less than a month, after 6+ years on the other side of the world. 


Prior to that fateful night I had attended a 'meet-up' at which I sketched a burlesque model. The sketches sat around that empty, extra large room, just sprawled across the floor. Just me, my dog chewy and my sketches (and the tell tail sign of a girl in transit, empty suitcases, loose makeup and perfume), 3 of us sitting on the sole piece of furniture, a full size bed, which would roll across the room every time I tried to lean against the wall. 

I filled up a cup with water and  began to paint on top of one of the sketches. I've never explored making abstract pieces (or making 'pieces' really, is that what they call it anyway?). I was scared of what i was creating.  If it comes out ugly, that was my creation, an expression of me? I thought, or more accurately, remembered, the notion of surrender and felt the consequential relief. Fuck it. I'm just going to be free, in the true sense of the word, and trust the universe. What will be, will be. and such phrases.  [ I can't only love the 'beautiful' parts of me, and disregard the rest, furiously trying to erase them from my existence. Well, I can try, but it's proven futile thus far.  I suppose that's a struggle I've always had, and probably always will. ]

I let myself create freely, with no idea what will come, but with full acceptance of whatever that may be. I felt such.a.high. Cliche as it may be, it truly makes sense to me that the stronger the emotion, the stronger the memory tied to it. I was up for hours in a beautiful daze, just going at it with the colors and patterns. 

There is no such thing as random chaos

Random chaos is pretty crazy to think about. Apparently though, that's how lots of people go through life.  Life, from the turning of a leaf, down to the crashing of a plane. A life ending, and a life beginning, every thought and action happen simply by chance and circumstance. Just a roll of the dice.  The core of my belief system is that even the most absolute example of chance, the rolling of the dice, land just where they need to. As spontaneous we think the combustion, the chaos is never random. As in, there is no such thing as random chaos. 

'Nothing. ' (from 'go free creating NOTHING as there is no such thing as random chaos)

1noth·ing

pronoun\ˈnə-thiŋ\


: not anything : not a thing : someone or something that has no interest, value, or importance

If i'm going to break it down, i'll go all the way. Looking back on my high inducing quote, I admit I was wrong. Saying 'go free creating 'nothing' is false.

It should be...

Go Free, as there is No Such Thing as Random Chaos.

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